Huh?
[See update below]
Rebecca Traister, in the midst of an entertaining, thorough and not entirely fair take-down of Ross Douthat’s latest, says something a little strange:
Gallingly, there’s simply no paint-by-numbers answer to the problem of increased female disenchantment, unless of course you consider that, despite all the strides made by women, we’re still having conversations about who does the laundry, whether putting on a short skirt decreases brain cells, whether childcare is a feminine responsibility, whether it’s immoral to have sex outside of marriage, and why there are so few female CEOs, Supreme Court Justices, and presidents of the United States. These are conversations which, when extended over a period of decades, are liable to put anyone in a bad mood. [Emphasis added - MZ]
Now, I may be wrong here, but I think one can avoid being the second coming of Cotton Mather and still say that sex outside of marriage is morally wrong. Not because all sex outside of wedlock is wrong — I can think of no good moral reason why pre-marital or non procreative sex is morally condemnatory — but it seems like adultery, if I may use such a loaded phrase, is totally different from other, morally neutral forms of out-of-wedlock sex.
That’s because, when people get married, they make a vow, to eachother, not to have sex out of wedlock. And, in general, people should not break explicit vows and promises. For the same reason that garden variety lying or duplicity is wrong, so is adultery wrong.
Of course, each marriage is different, and if the other spouse is OK with extramarital sex within the framework of their relationship, then having sex outside of marriage isn’t anything to care about, but I imagine that situations like that make up a fraction of adultery cases.
Now, obviously, if women are being coerced into marriages and don’t exercise any meaningful choice or input in who their sexual partners get to be, then the question is totally different. But, today, I don’t think that’s a huge concern, and even if it were, I don’t think anyone could argue that the majority of people who cheat on their spouses or rebelling against a forced or otherwise coerced marriage.
Am I missing something here? Does Traister actually agree with me, and I’ve just misread her about why this debate is so depressing for feminists? I’m actually a bit confused as to the extent to which there can even be debate over this question.
UPDATE Ok, I just reread my post, and it’s now obvious that I’ve pretty embarassingly misread Traister here. Any common sense/charitable reading would indicate that Traister is talking about all out of wedlock sex, not just adultery. Obviously, I’m totally on-board with Traister here. Now, I think that some liberals and feminists are a bit hesitant to condemn adultery, but Traister isn’t making any argument about adultery, so there’s really nothing to disagree with here. Just see this post as me, out of nowhere, deciding to argue that adultery is morally wrong.
